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True Tales of Fib the Lion: Secrets Aren't Safe

Fib started roaring in my ear about his thoughts on Tiny’s bonus chapter. So, I had to do what I had to do. Here is what Fib has to say:

I can’t believe it. I never would have thought it would happen; not in a million years. He promised. I trusted him. I guess that’s what I get for telling someone else my secret. If I wanted it to stay a secret, I should have kept it to myself. I should probably blame myself, but I can’t blame myself when I can blame Mr. Loose Lips for taking my trust and ruining it. When you’re like me, a secret like this MUST stay a SECRET.

I’m a Lion named Fib, and I have a reputation to uphold. The world sees me as the King of the Jungle. I take pride in that. Okay, so maybe I’m not in the jungle anymore, but the way people see me matters. Nobody should look at a lion like me and relax. Nobody should believe that they could walk up to me and pet me like some sort of house cat or happy hamster. Nobody should believe that a lion is a vegetarian. Yet, I am, and it would have been a secret to a lot of people if Tiny hadn’t told everybody I vote for vegetables. See, it’s one thing if I tell a few people my business. It’s MY business. I should be able to pick and choose who knows I’m a vegetarian. I have the right to determine how many people should still think I’d eat them faster than a fat flamingo. But with Tiny telling random folks that I wouldn’t bite beef at a barbeque, how am I supposed to uphold my end of the security deal at Old Endings Preparatory? What if one of the students at the school finds out? What if I couldn’t use fear to get a bunch of kids up the ropes before the tardy bell rings?

As I think about what would happen if a student found out about me being a vegetarian, I get nervous. I mean, I’m sure if they knew, they would want to take me home and have me as a pet. They would want to put a collar and leash on me and walk me around their neighborhood. Little kids would lie about me chasing them and trying to bite them. Other animals in the area would test me to see if I would bite them. You know animals can sense that type of stuff.

To tell the truth, I’m not built for being a pet. Nobody is going to be telling me to sit, fetch, roll over, or have their baby sister try to ride me while pulling my mane. Nope, that‘s not happening. The only way I would consider being a pet is if I could live on a farm and go running off with other animals that might want to eat the food we’re growing and the animals we have. Although, I’m sure me eating that same food they’re growing from the ground would cause me to get in trouble with the farmers. Yeah, I might protect the chickens from foxes, but eating an acre of cabbage or knocking down apples from the orchard and devouring them would surely be an issue.

That’s why Tiny should have kept his mouth closed about me and my lack of meat-munching. It’s not like I mentioned that he’s put on a lot of weight since we met. Nope, I wouldn’t say that about him because it’s not for me to talk about. That’s his business. And it’s not my business to tell his business. Why? Because it’s HIS BUSINESS!

Maybe you think I’m overreacting about Tiny telling other people that I don’t eat meat. Try to understand though, that me not eating meat is like telling people that you don’t breathe oxygen. See what I mean? Exactly! You try to imagine how people would treat you if they knew you didn’t breathe oxygen like every other human.

Now, I realize I should probably be telling Tiny how I’m feeling, but we’re not on speaking terms right now. Once I found out he was telling my secrets, I haven’t had much to say to him. He thinks everything is cool because he keeps delivering me vegetables and putting big bones on the floor by the bathroom door. Maybe I’ll tell him how I feel in the future, but I’m too upset to even think about talking to him right now. Plus, he knows I wouldn’t bite him if I was mad, so there isn’t really much I can do if he doesn’t want to keep my cabbage and carrot cravings quiet.

But, to be honest, if ever do go back to eating meat, Tiny might be second on my list.


If so, he'd be right below turtles, because I’d eat a turtle before I’d eat a zebra. Why? Well, because turtles are slow, and when Lions are lazily lying down, a turtle won’t run away like a zippy zebra. So, if I do start eating meat again, my list of potential meat treats to eat would be:

1. Any type of TURTLE

2. Tiny

3. One of the students at Old Ending Preparatory

4. You (Hey, at least I’m being honest. If you were starving, and I was the last thing on Earth to chew on, you’d be eating lion for lunch!

While we’re on the subject of eating meat…as much as I’m enjoying being a vegetarian, I can’t help but smell watered down turtle coming from somewhere in the building. If I ever find a turtle in the building, I don’t know what would happen.

Well, that’s enough for now. I’m Fib the Lion and I’m not lying.

The End.

(Originally published Nov 25, 2012.)

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